High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
