you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
