He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
