you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
