if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
