So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
