Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
