You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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