try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
