Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
