I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
