Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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