remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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