Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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