i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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