I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize