If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
