thus making me awesome and them whores
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
