im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
