the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
