Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
