I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize