i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
