i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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