I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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