I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
