am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
