you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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