The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
