she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
