so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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