You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
