brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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