My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
