so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
