how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
