i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
