I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
