I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
