This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
