WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
