I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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