my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
