You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
