True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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