1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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