I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
