my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
