Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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