Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
