This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A bitchslap is in order.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
