Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
