yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
