I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
