I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
