its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
