Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
