People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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