you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
