I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
