Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
