we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
