I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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