it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
