Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
