I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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