3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
