maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
