Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
