shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
