Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
