Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
