Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize