I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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