Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You made out with two different species that night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
