just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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