Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can text with my tongue
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
