Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
honey bunches of taint.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize