Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
