After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
