Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize