Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
