running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
