hotel room ftw
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
