this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
