You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
