I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
