I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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