the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
