Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
