I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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