Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
