Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
