if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
