That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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