wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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