Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
