Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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