fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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