Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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