Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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