wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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