I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
