I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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