This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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