We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize